Fake Confidence: Nobody would know what’s up

I woke up to three text messages from a friend at work. I had the Kim Possible beep as my text tone so imagine how I felt waking up. I thought there was some kind of emergency or something.

Anyway, he was asking if I wanted to take this photography job our boss was offering. It was for his son’s birthday party in the afternoon. Turns out that the person he first hired won’t be able to make it. My friend left all his gear at home too that’s why he was asking me.

I had to think about it for a good 30mins. I had this debate in my head weather I should do it or not. The first question that popped into my mind was “Can I do it?”. I was telling myself that my friend won’t ask me to do it if he thinks that I can’t handle it. I was supposed to reply with “do you think I can do it?” but I didn’t. I’m glad I didn’t.

I remember reading something from twitter saying “faking confidence is the first step to real confidence.” Somehow, that stuck on my head.

The voice inside me kept on telling me to just do it. Go for it. I was really anxious because I was never invited or was never asked to be paid for such job. So I did. I said yes. I’m going.

I’ve been doing this kind of job before but I never got paid so I never really cared about the quality of the photo nor how it turns out in general. I’ve been doing it for a few years already since we have a school.

So you could say that I have kind of done this before. Anyway, I was telling myself that it’s just the same back home. The only thing is that, this is NYC. This is not home anymore. No more mediocre photos. No more mediocre edits. This is a real job. And to be honest, I didn’t think I was worth that much.

As cliché as it may sound, there’s nothing much you could do but to just believe in yourself. Whatever you do, whatever other people tell you, or however they treat you, just believe that you could do it because at the end of the day, the only person you could count on is yourself.

I took the job thinking that I may never have the chance to be offered one. It’s a good opportunity to try and see if I could handle such. Turns out that I was actually able to pull it off.

I just kind of stalled a bit. I was thinking of ways not to show the photos to anybody because I feel like they’re not good enough. When I finally gave the photos to my boss, he was laughing and saying good things such as “photos were great. Thank you.” He was even laughing while reviewing some of the photos.

I felt so relieved. I know that there are still some room for improvement but I’m glad he like the photos. I somehow managed to pull it off. Somehow.

Remember: Just fake it. They won’t know that you’re struggling inside. They won’t realize that you don’t know what the fuck you are doing. Fake confidence until you gain the real one.

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