Like a butterfly trying to set free from her cocoon, I’m patiently waiting for the day I can finally take matters into my own hands.
I am disappointed, broken but still functioning. I’m slowly turning into a robot. Working fine physically but little by little, I’m starting to lose my emotions. I don’t feel pain, remorse, happiness, and love as much as I did before. My insides are slowly turning into metal, just functioning mechanically.
I’m sick and tired of living like this everyday. I just want to break free, fly and soar as high as I want to be, in a place I would fit in. I’d like to see a happier, and better version of myself.
I’ve been living a lie most days of my life. I just want to be genuinely happy. It hurts a lot today, but maybe someday, I’d find the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. Someday…someday…
I don’t even know what to do with this life anymore. I don’t have the urge, the drive, or the motivation to finish what I have started. I have already spent four freakin years in this place and instead of feeling a little bit of freedom, I feel stuck.
I don’t think Physical Therapy is really for me. I ask myself everyday for the past few weeks. Why Physical Therapy? I always end up with the answer why not?
It’s not enough. I feel like taking this five-year course is such a burden. We don’t even get a total summer break!!! I just feel so tired. I used to be this happy, cheery, optimistic person and suddenly, all of those just went of in a blink of an eye.
I don’t know what happened but what I have found out was that one month was all it took to change the person I was back then to the sad, unfocused and lost person I am now. I don’t know what I’m doing. I want to become everything. I want to be good at everything but I don’t want to become a Physical Therapist. I feel like I have wasted four years of my life learning things I never wanted to practice.
I do hope I change my mind once I get into internship. All these fvckin facebook posts makes me even more depressed. I feel like I am such a failure. I don’t even have anyone to talk to about this. Anyway, I still have to study for a final exam tomorrow.