Fake Confidence: Nobody would know what’s up

I woke up to three text messages from a friend at work. I had the Kim Possible beep as my text tone so imagine how I felt waking up. I thought there was some kind of emergency or something.

Anyway, he was asking if I wanted to take this photography job our boss was offering. It was for his son’s birthday party in the afternoon. Turns out that the person he first hired won’t be able to make it. My friend left all his gear at home too that’s why he was asking me.

I had to think about it for a good 30mins. I had this debate in my head weather I should do it or not. The first question that popped into my mind was “Can I do it?”. I was telling myself that my friend won’t ask me to do it if he thinks that I can’t handle it. I was supposed to reply with “do you think I can do it?” but I didn’t. I’m glad I didn’t.

I remember reading something from Continue reading

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8 Cuts Burger in the Province

Just recently, my cousins (the moNIECES as Ashti would call us) and I had a quick afternoon out at Patches. Patches is the burger joint in our small, busy town, in Villasis. It sells enormous burger that could feed up to 10 people*.

*depending on ones appetite

Here’s a quick vlog about that day. Watch it. Hope you enjoy it, and please…SUBSCRIBE. Thanks ♥

Break free

Like a butterfly trying to set free from her cocoon, I’m patiently waiting for the day I can finally take matters into my own hands.

I am disappointed, broken but still functioning. I’m slowly turning into a robot. Working fine physically but little by little, I’m starting to lose my emotions. I don’t feel pain, remorse, happiness, and love as much as I did before. My insides are slowly turning into metal, just functioning mechanically.

I’m sick and tired of living like this everyday. I just want to break free, fly and soar as high as I want to be, in a place I would fit in. I’d like to see a happier, and better version of myself.

I’ve been living a lie most days of my life. I just want to be genuinely happy. It hurts a lot today, but maybe someday, I’d find the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. Someday…someday…

Pause: Look around you

I was on another afternoon stroll. This time I was with my cousin and two other kids. I love biking in the afternoon to take some time off work, and to catch up with reality.

I usually go to this quiet, serene area in our town. It has been a jogging spot in the morning which turns into a rice or corn drying area at noon. It has become a known route for runners, and bikers.

Most of the time,  I take my camera with me because I love watching the sunset from that part of our town. Plus I’ve always wanted to take a photo of the birds flying around that area during sunset. Provincial life? Totally!

The little boy who went with us that afternoon said that the place was nice as it was his first time to stop and appreciate the area. Most of the time, he just passes by and he never, even once took a look. He just pedals his way through.

His statement gave me a pause. It made me realize that yeah, this life is pretty amazing if we just stop worrying, and start appreciating. Little things, when grouped together becomes big things.

There’s this song from our church which goes “count your blessings name them one by one, count your blessings see what God has done.” And true enough, if we count our many blessings, we will see how lucky we are. We just have to learn how to be grateful, even as tiny as to waking up in the morning.

Always take a time, as little as 5mins in a day, and try to reflect. Try to say a little prayer, to God or to the stars even and see how the universe would turn differently. This time, better.

 

Rewind: The Idea of You

It’s 2AM and my thoughts are full of you… again! I was driving back to Manila earlier, it was silent, I was sleepy when it suddenly hit me.

I realized that I was courageous but not courageous enough to say it directly to your face. I was wise yet I was stupid to confront you with how I felt. I blew it all off.

 If I had the chance to go back in time, I would rewind my life to the point where I was certain. Certain of the things, happening around me, which was you. I was certain that there was something going on between us. I was certain but suddenly it all faded. I wasn’t sure anymore.

If I only had the chance to go back to last year’s Christmas, I would. Then I could do things differently. I could have been a better person and we both could have saved our blooming friendship.

But life wasn’t created that way. If living was as easy as that then we all wouldn’t have learned. We may not be able to move forward because we all could have rewind-ed. We won’t be able to progress and see that there is a far better picture for us if we just hit play and go on with our lives.

There is no rewind in life for if there was, we would all be living in the past. There would be no present nor future. If we keep on rewinding to try and correct every little mistake we had made then there’s no sense of living at all.  We do not dwell and live in the past. Let us do what we can do today. What’s done is done but there are far more better things that can be done. Stop living in the past, stop worrying about tomorrow, start living today.

How to improve your everyday living

untitled-2Before this year started I told myself to actually be a better version of myself, everyday. Be a better version of my yesterday self. If I was a bum yesterday, I should be a better bum today. Just kidding! I should try to be more productive, and more positive towards life.

Lately I’ve felt that I am actually being able to commit myself in doing that. I started this little activity I do every night before I go to bed. This is something I have started just a few days ago.

I have increased my productivity level by 60%. Most days, I’d be sitting around, watching TV or even napping for 8hrs (HAHAHA). Since I started this small ritual, I am able to achieve better versions of myself everyday. And that is to be a lesser bum. You’re welcome, fam.

So what I do before I go to bed is I make a list of the things I need to accomplish the following day. It helps me keep track of my mom’s orders (half kidding) and the things I have to do for myself. From breathing to running errands, basically anything under the sun.dsc_2319I am a disorganized person when it comes to life, basically. HAHAHA. I tend to forget things a lot. Most of the time, I go up and down the house, throwing things across the room because I don’t remember where I last kept the car keys when it’s just right at the palm of my hand. IKR!!! Pero kahit anong gawin ko siya nalang di ko pa nakakalimutan. Chazzz!!!

It’s like making a grocery list except that you’re not buying things you need/want but things or chores you need to accomplish. It could be the things you need to study for an upcoming test, the projects or files your boss asks you to find or finish, to simple house chores such as washing the dishes, doing laundry, and even sweeping the floor (okay not the best example but you get the point?)

Ever since, I started this List thing I feel like I am a much “busier” person since I feel like I have accomplished at least one task in a day. (I could be a total bum!!!) You could try it yourself and see what difference it makes in your daily living.

The Tribulation

I cannot believe that 5 years had already passed and here I am, scrolling through facebook, looking pass through the graduation posts of my batchmates, and wondering about the what ifs of my life.

What if I took a different path? What if I did not choose Physical Therapy? Where would I be standing right now? Although I can’t see myself being in any other place or situation other than where I am standing today.

What if I my mom let me shift to another course 3 yrs ago? I told her I wanted to become a veterinarian. She brushed the idea off and told me to finish the degree I have started. It was a long way. It was hard and I’m still not finished.

What if I didn’t run as the Honored Queen of our Bethel, would everything still be the same? Would I be better? What if I didn’t take the entrance exam in UERM five years ago? Where would my place be?

We don’t really know what is written on our destiny. We only know that we can make changes on what we know today. We can only plan for the future based on the current situation we are in. We may be tested on our faith, in God, and in our self. The most difficult times are the times where we must stay strong and focused to achieve the goal we have. We may have not reached the deadline but it is not a reason to give up. All the same, we are almost there. Our life just needed a little detour as our future needed re-construction.

We may not see it now, but in tomorrow we would realize what today has in store for us. We just have to keep on believing in ourselves, and know that one day, we will also see the view from the top. Success is more than just a piece of paper. Success is more than just a grade. Success is what we will become in the future. We may not understand these things today but someday, it will make sense because “the flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and beautiful of all.”